Butt Chugging!

Humans since the dawn of time have experimented with a myriad of substances to relax, elevate and expand their minds, commune with the dead or the heavens and in some cases shut out the voices in their heads that compel them to watch reruns of " Small Wonder" all and all, we humans really like to get fucked up.

These substances, be they alcohol, drugs or even in some cases food could be ingested, snorted, drank, injected or inhaled and up until recently these were the primary ways one could alter their mind and or mood.

Then from the Frat houses of colleges the country over came a new and inspired way to have fun with alcohol being that just drinking it was not enough have now kicked off the new trend dubbed " Butt Chugging"

If you are a stranger to anal danger such as I then you'll need to know that butt chugging consists of placing a tube in one's anus then having a friend ( since this idea comes from a fraternity, there's nothing homoerotic about this whatsoever ) pour a beer or liquor down said tube thus enabling the tubed person to get " Fucked up bro" at an accelerated rate which in turn makes the music of Dave Matthews seem as good as the joyful sounds that come from the lute of Apollo.

One can only surmise that two frat brothers, bored with just drinking beers in between date rapes, most likely turned to each other and said " You know what would make this more fun? If you got a tube, stuck it up my ass and poured a beer down it. Let's make this more complicated than it needs to be."

People now hold " BYOT" or " Bring your own tube" parties. Proctologists whom never got invited to parties due to their weird obsession and occupation, are now party stars for their ability to navigate a tube to the colon.

Yet due to coverage of this trend on " The View" suburban mothers are now worried about something they never even thought about until Elizabeth Hasselback took time out from eating black children to warn them of the perils of butt chugging. Now when teenagers come home late at night their parents greet them at the door saying " Bend over, let me smell your ass."

Until the ending of the world people will constantly look for new and exotic ways to get intoxicated. The marriage of ass and tube and booze is but another way we humans experiment with making life so much more enjoyable. My only hope is the tube trend moves away from the ass and moves somewhere more wholesome like the ear cause it's only one small oops from that tube being jammed into a dude's pee-hole.