One would think that a man who has a foot fetish that I would just love my own foot in my mouth however that is not the case. After years and years of having zero mental editor I've developed either an aversion to the taste of my own foot, as I keep having to insert it in my mouth on almost a weekly occasion.
The last time I actually tasted my own foot was Friday when my boss Dan approached me with terrible news.
"Nick did you hear? Stu had a stroke!"
So I replied "Well is he ok? Like can he still walk?"
Then my boss Dan looked at me like I had taken his mother out to Outback and a movie and never called her again. He then looked at me and said, "C'mon Nick, Stu!" With emphasis on the name as if I wasn't quite grasping the whole of the situation.
"What? C'mon some strokes aren't that severe, lots of people suffer minor strokes and can walk again." I replied to him with a certain defiance usually reserved for the mothers of criminals who are interviewed by the local news after their son just killed ten people, totally unwilling to believe their son is a monster despite evidence to the contrary.
Then after a few moments when it all sank in, I looked at my boss Dan and his total lack of confusion at my lack of understanding when it hit me: Of course Stu can't walk after his stroke cause he couldn't walk to begin with cause he's been in a fucking wheelchair for decades. Insert foot in mouth.
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